I would like to start off in my first post by explaining a little about me and what inspired me to blog.
I am the single mom of one, my son will be one in a week. I never saw myself as a single mother though I love it and would not trade it for anything. My journey on this earth has not been easy, I have been through a lot and I am who I am because of these things. I hope to use this blog as an outlet for my emotions.
Where to start? I guess I will go with what I remember best, the most recent. David. We met while working for N.A.M.E and immediately hit it off. Our first conversation lasted only a few minutes but the chemistry was obvious. We didn't talk much at first, though anytime I walked past him he would quite obviously check me out. I was flattered. He then started finding reasons to come see me. Next thing I knew we were on our first date. It was innocent enough we just went for a walk. He told me all about himself he had a brother, his parents died when he was a teenager, both from cancer. He was born and raised in South Africa brought over by our company on a work visa. To say he was charming would be an understatement. He seemed to be everything a girl could want he was a gentlemen, always holding the door open for me and allowing me to go first, he worked very hard and was dedicated to it. He knew all the right things to say telling me how pretty I was, and how much he liked me. He told me that he always hoped he would meet someone like me and that I was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. After a couple months he proposed to me. The ring looked to be white gold with a fair sized diamond. It was just what I would have chosen. This is when things started to change, he started to get angry more often the gentlemen vanished and it was as though I was staring at a complete stranger. He started keeping secrets and was suddenly broke all the time. The change was so fast and so sudden and remained consistent. I wondered what I had done. This would be when I should have left, but I loved him and stupidly thought it would get better. He became jealous of any male I spoke to. Thank god for my stubbornness how easily I could have been intimidated and it could have turned to abuse. One month after his sudden change, I got sick. I remember clearly it was the last Thursday in September and I was not feeling so well, he wanted to go out with one of his guy friends, the bar was not far. This was new to me, he had never wanted to have a guys night out, I thought maybe this is what he needed to pull him out of this angry mood he had been in. He had never given me any reason not to trust him before so I was not alarmed. He didnt come home that night. In the morning I was even sicker but angry that he had not come home. I was worried about him all night. I asked him where he had been and he told me he spent the night talking with his friend. I made it very clear that no fiance, boyfriend or husband of mine would stay out all night unannounced. I made it very clear that it was not to happen again. I guess it was my intuition that made me so upset about it. Friday night still sick my fever went to 104f. Unbeknowest to me I began to have seizures from the high temperature. All I really remember is being dehydrated. He came home from work at 10pm and I asked him to go to the store and get me some water (a 10 minute trip). He said that he was going to go to the grocery store instead as it was less expensive. I told him it would not be open anymore ( it was a hour long trip). He stated it would be and left. I remember waking up sometime later and I was so dehydrated my eyelids were stuck to my eye. Next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital. I was alone and I knew that David would not know I was there. I had a kidney infection thank goodness it was easy to fix and after the antibiotics had been adminstered and I was re hydrated and feeling better I was let out Saturday morning. I guess you could say I was hoping for a text or voice mail when I turned my phone on outside the hospital but I was not surprised that there was nothing. I knew he had not come home again. I got home it was 10am. 12 hours since he had left to get me some water. I called his phone and he answered. What he said next hit me like a wrecking ball. He said he did something stupid and needed to talk to me right when he got home. I knew what it was but I remained emotionless. I was numb. This next part gets a little long but he came home and told me that when he got to the store there was a girl there whom he had seen at work. Her ex boyfriend was bothering her and he offered to walk her home. As they walked she told him that she had been having problems at home and had no where to stay for the night. So he decided to pay for a hotel for her. Once they got there she asked him to come up and talk to her for awhile. He accidently fell asleep on the other bed. No I was not dumb enough to believe that. All the while he was fooling around on his phone. I knew he would have spoken to her or texted her otherwise. I asked to see his phone to which he replied "no, it will make you upset". to which I replied "i am already upset. you have two options you can either give it to me and i may get upset but i may get over it or you can keep it and we are done because i will always think you were hiding something." still claiming he loved me he handed me his phone. I found a message where she asked him if his sick friend was his girlfriend and if he had one, to which he had replied no. That was all the evidence I needed. I told him he needed to tell that girl that he was a liar that not only did he have a girlfriend but a fiance. I waited untill monday. On monday he still had not told her so I did. I waited untill he was in the shower and I took her number from his phone and sent her a text outing him. Shortly after she forwarded all of their texts. The ones he had been deleting while he was speaking to my Saturday morning. The ones that incriminated him further that he planned on meeting her their was no ex boyfriend. Their was no sleeping in another bed. When David got out of the shower he was of course furious. Still numb, I felt nothing. That night after David went to bed I met this other girl. She was just a girl, only 17. Much younger than Davids 26 years. She seemed nice enough and she gave me the whole story. He had gone to her house Thursday night and spent the whole time in her room with her. They made plans for Friday night and got a hotel. I later found out he had been spotted at the hotel by his boss and he had told me about it only because if he didnt his boss would have. I didnt know what to do. After a week I broke up with him. Then I found out I was pregnant. He had been fighting with me constantly accusing me of cheating on him. Honestly, untill he cheated on me I NEVER even checked out another guy little lone talk to him or do something with him. When I told him we decided to try to work it out. He agreed to never talk to the other girl again. He continued to talk to her. I was furious. Finally, an emotion. I told him once more that he needed to stop. He said he did. Two weeks past and we were lying in bed and he was flipping through his texts when I saw one from her. I asked him about it and he said she sent it but he hadnt replied. Of course I didnt believe him. I sent her a text telling her to get lost. She replied that he had text her asking for naughty pictures. She forwarded it to me. He was not around for this exchange, so, when I saw him next I lost it. I told him I knew everything and I wanted to hear it from his mouth. Of course I didnt tell him what I knew I wanted to know if there was anything else. What I found out was scary, he told me that his family in South Africa disowned him because he was in bad debt there. While managing a restraunt he stole a lot of money to fuel a drinking problem he had and to buy fancy things for his then girlfriend. He got caught and almost went to jail. After borrowing money from any bank he could find and his friends and family he paid it back and saved himself from jail. I think the amount was upwards of 20,000r. He came to canada to work for more money so he could pay it back and he wasnt. He told me he had lived on the streets back home and once had even killed a person so he could steal their money and eat. I made a choice then, I knew he would soon be going back to South Africa and that he would make my life hell if I left him while he was there. I made nice untill he left. Though I was still confused about what to do. More to follow.
